no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
