No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
