He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
