just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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