Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
