before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
