Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she smelled like a LAN party
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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