She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We got so high we made milksteak
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
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