my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
