how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why do cheetos always look like penises
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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