and you said cock pushups were impossible
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
