There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
