Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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