I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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