I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
