you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
