MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
