Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
