I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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