So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
