well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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