just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
