so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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