i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
3pm strippers are depressing
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
