**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
