Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize