There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
