He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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