she woke up with a sticky ear
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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