Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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