Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
