I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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