Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
