i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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