There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
