Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
