It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
