I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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