k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
