She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
