I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have tasted many bathrooms
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
