That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize