Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
