The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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