so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
