90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
