I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
