I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
