she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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