actually, I'm a sock model
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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