p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
