Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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