Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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