True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
