i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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