sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
