is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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