can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
