he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
