He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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