so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
