i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
