a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
