Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ladies don't puke and tell
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
