First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Randomize
