____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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