i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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