its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
