Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My ass is underappreciated
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
