One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
