I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
