NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
