after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
