Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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