it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
