she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
