As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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