Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
worst night to have a conscience
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
