Your tits are I can't wait for
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
