I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
