I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
