you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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