Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize