he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
