Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
