He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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