we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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