so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
