Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
