we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She's the barista slut.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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