This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize