It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
