whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
