I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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