in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
