I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
