he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
