And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize