I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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