laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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