corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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