So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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