How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
