Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
